January 2013
2 posts
“We’re in AMERICA, Fuckass. It’s pronounced ‘ORange!’”
– Martin
2 tags
“Oh my god. I put my bare ass all over where children put their faces.”
#not sorry.
November 2012
1 post
1: Just because he doesn't wanna have sex with you doesn't mean he doesn't wanna hit you in the face with his dick
2: Swaffling is not hitting, it's gentle prodding.
August 2012
1 post
“Me and Kung Fu Panda are on a first name basis.”
– TJ
July 2012
4 posts
June 2012
2 posts
“MAX, I CAN FEEL YOUR DICK WITH MY DICK!”
“Yanno, some people might actually think we’re retarded…”
May 2012
3 posts
“I’m sorry you got cockblocked by Jesus.”
3 tags
10 year old brother: he's attacking me with a pen!
12 year old brother: he's attacking me with a fu man chu!
“No, fuck you, take this peso!”
– Keith
April 2012
10 posts
“It’s probably really hard to dance with Gusher’s in your crotch”
Oh boy..
The four year old I'm babysitting when I start a movie for him: I hate THX. And 20th century fox. They all drive me insane! INSANE!
“He loves her with all his wieners!”
Time signatures
Griffin: “The definition of ‘straight’ is having two, three, or four beats per measure.”
Nico: “Wow, my sexuality class was completely wrong.” Griffin: “Seriously, if that were the definition of straight, I would be, like, the gayest thing ever.”
“I bet Canadians smoke maple leaves.”
8 tags
4 tags
“Kissing hands is so weird. I feel like I’m accidentally going to lick your...”
– Erica
Three hobos in library
Hobo 1: (to Erica) I like your fuzzy hat.
Hobo 2: (to me) I like your scarf
Hobo 3: (to an undetermined person, talking about logan) Your boyfriend has a nice ass.
“My creative penis just exploded”
“That looks like a sex cobra”
March 2012
9 posts
This Morning
Me: Where are my glasses?
Mom: Uhhhh I didn't eat them!!!
No idea why that was her default response, I'm concerned now ;)
“Dead kittens are never the answer, Mom.”
1 tag
“Holy shit. The Haitian is a human roofie.”
“I think those old people farted in the elevator!”
“Just google “how to turn on the Bluetooth in my Soul”
“I should get myself a sugar daddy..”
– Evan (my brother)
“Is it socially acceptable to tell someone they have nice breasts from across two...”
“No, you have to say Reggy(male) has nice tits”
February 2012
3 posts
“go angsturbate or something and be done”
“If you have an affinity for collarbones.. does that make it a collarboner?”
– ~Izzi
“he’d be like “what the fuck is that?” and I’d be like...”
